Anniversary

Anniversary.  Most people when they hear "Anniversary" think of wedding Anniversary, or the Anniversary of first meeting that someone special.

For me, Anniversary is a totally different meaning this year.  A year ago today, my mom came over in the morning after her CT scan.  She had been having headaches for the last few months and started to lose her balance.  Little did I know that a few hours from then, I would be getting a phone call from my dad saying to come to the ER because they found a "spot" near the brain. 

The cancer has spread again.  It's always the first thought that comes into my mind whenever my mom winces in pain, or when there's a new spot.  You know the chances of it being just that are high when you mother lives with metastatic cancer.

I had no idea what the next few days, or even months would bring.  The doctors said if she had waited to do surgery, she could have died.  God had a different plan. 

I still remember the day we went to the ER and then the next day before her surgery.  I remember talking with her the night before surgery.  I read her scripture, rubbed her head, held her hand...almost making it my last goodbye.  She laid there smiling at me, so peaceful.  My mom was all of a sudden having major brain surgery.  Major.  I knew things would not be the same after that. 

She's had ups and downs this past year.  I have had my battles with God.  I've yelled, cried, built walls, and have tried to understand the simple questions, "Why her?"  I wanted a miracle, I wanted the cancer to be GONE.  I wasn't looking at the small steps of recovery she was making.  I wanted to save her and take care of it all. 

I am thankful beyond words to my Creator for allowing another year...another day...for her to be a living testimony of perseverance and one who can handle anything WITH Christ.  I truly believe that she could not have survived this without her BELIEF in His promises.  He promises us He will take care of her, and no, He may not take the cancer completely away, which He could in a heartbeat.  But for some reason, her living with this is part of her story that He will complete when He calls her home.  In our simple minds, we cannot comprehend that, we never will.  That's why we live by Faith. 

I've learned over the past year to let it go...Trust in Him...be thankful for the days that are good, and persevere through the ones that are bad.  I am in Christ, I can handle it.

This is what I wrote last year, Miracle in May.